The Pandas

Okay, I'm following Guy's footsteps and I'm just going to talk about The Pandas, who are, if I haven't mentioned it, my group of friend. We're called The Pandas because we sit next to the bamboo at school.

Here we go!

Guy: He's one fabulous person. Guy's amazing, he's so fun but is also nice to have serious conversations with. I'm so proud of how he has dealt with all kinds of stuff that has happened, I know things have been hard. On a lighter note, Guy has a cute nose. I'd also like to note (because I know you're reading now), Guy, you've changed an enormous amount since I first met you last year. You've become so confident and so outgoing, it seems like you've really come out of your shell this last year! I'm so proud of you!

Jesse: Jesse's such a sweetie! She's like my sister and is so wonderful to talk to. <3 I connect so much with her, and she's my go to person for anything senpai related. She's motivated and inspired me to do so many things, she really is amazing. Again, because I know you're reading now, thank you so much. For everything.

Jamilla: Currently married to the embodiment of anime. Jamilla is such an amazingly opinionated person, and is wonderful to talk to about many things. She's helped me come out of my shell and be the crazy person that I am inside! I always look forward to talking to her, she's really witty and clever (I'm talking about the endless puns) but can be serious too.

Ruby: Ruby's like my little hippy friend. And she looks like a doll! But she's so smart and is wonderfully accepting of everyone, which is so nice. Ruby's really down to earth, and is so creative it's crazy! I'm really glad that I'm friends with her, because she's just so amazing. I've sort of known Ruby since I was little so we go wayyy back man.

Harriet: She's a very violent small person.  Harriet is so caring though, and is really motivated in school! She works so hard with everything she does. I really admire her for that. Also, she does so many things for other people. She's really giving, and is determined to make the world a better place. I love talking to her about various things, and she can get so passionate over something and will give me another look on what we are talking about.

Kai: Also another small person who likes to desert our group for his Magic the Gathering friends. Kai's so confident, which I really admire him for, and is so mature when talking about things that other people in his year would giggle at. He's so nice and is really intelligent! He's also a great performer and isn't afraid to get out on stage and do something that he loves.

Chanse: The person who can't stop laughing! Although Chanse has quite a few home issues, I really admire the way that she's dealt with everything. She's so fun, smart, and is wonderful to talk to!

Ellie: Ellie can seem quite cold at first, but once you get past that barrier she's a really warm and witty person. She has such a nice laugh too! Ellie's very clever, and can be quite cunning...

Zara: At first, Zara seems like the goody two shoes of the year with her perfect hair, perfect marks and perfect manners. But underneath all that there's a side to her that I'm glad I've seen; a side that's not afraid to start singing The Sound Of Music while spinning around and hugging trees. She's really great! 

Lucy: Lucy's a relatively new member of The Pandas, so I'm not very close to her. Apart from that, she's a really caring person and is lots of fun to hang with! I'd like to get to know her more, she seems like a wonderful person.

Athena: Previously known as Amy before she changed her name, Athena is amazing. And although she moved schools at the end of last year, I guess she's still a member of The Pandas. I love talking to her and going out to different places! Athena's been through a lot, and I really admire her for sticking with all this even though it's been hard. I really try to help her, and I hope I am having some sort of effect, because losing her would...  Be terrible. Absolutely terrible. But things seem to be improving for her and I'm really proud of her!

Saying that, losing anyone from The Pandas would be horrifying. I only said that specific to Athena's because of a discussion I had with her a few weeks ago. I know that other people are going through similar things, and I just want them to know that they should keep safe. And you talk to me, or anyone you feel comfortable with about anything.

So that was The Pandas! I'm so grateful for everyone, every single one of them is amazingly brilliant. Sometimes I wonder how I ended up with such wonderful friends! I really look forward to all the fun times that we'll have in the future, and I hope that we never drift apart!

"I'm ready for another adventure now, take me far away please!

Ok, one more... But then YOU have to read to ME!" 

Random Senpai Update

Okay well hello again!
I know it's been AGES since I've posted, and I still haven't written about Bush School. But some small stuff happened today that Jesse told me to write about, so her wish is my command! B)

Actually something happened last week too, so I'll start with that. Basically it was Sacha's birthday last Monday, as I found out on Facebook, but he wasn't at school. So I was arguing with myself over whether I should say Happy Birthday to him. Eventually after some Jesse discussion we agreed that she would say Happy Birthday first, then I would after her. Jesse's amazing like that! So after she sent a message to him, I sent this very plain message:

"Happy Birthday! :)"

And I got this back:

"Thanks, I appreciate it. :)"

At first I was thinking, "Oh yeah, that's pretty cool." But then I told Jesse and she was really excited, and I couldn't understand why. She talked to me for a bit on Facebook, then I went and had a shower and did some stuff, then I came back thinking "OMG HE APPRECIATED ME.'' It takes a little while for these things to sink in.

Then after that happened, I decided that I would say hello to him sometime soon, just so this opportunity isn't wasted. It took a little while, because I swear he's away every second day and I don't have any classes with him. But this morning I thought I missed the bus, although I didn't because when I got the later bus (that cost me money jeez) I saw all the other people from my school still waiting for our normal bus. Anyway, I got to school a little bit later than the school bus (because the later one takes a lot longer) and as I was walking through the school I saw my friends Jamilla and Avery walking with Sacha. I thought "THIS IS MY CHANCE" so I ran up to them and scared Jamilla out of her mind by tapping her on the shoulder unexpectedly. That was quite the entrance, and I made him laugh so it was totally worth it. They were walking to this Asian grocery shop that's across the road, and I decided to go with them.

When we got there I realised I had no money since I spent it on bus tickets, but Avery was really nice and bought Jamilla and I a Calpis drink to share! We met up with Ben too (the one who did the card readings I might have mentioned in my last post)  and he had bought this cuttlefish flavoured chip packet. We brought it back to school later on, and it has this horrific aftertaste which I would never like to taste again. Anyway, in the meantime Sacha had bought these Lovely Puff things. He offered them to everyone, and offered me one last. I said no, because I didn't really feel like eating right then.

We got back to school and by that time the Lovely Puffs were almost gone. Eventually it came down to the last one, and Sacha turned to me and asked "Are you sure you don't want any?" I said okay, because I was surprised that he was offering me the last one and took it. As I pulled it out of the bag I said "Are you sure?" because if that was me I wouldn't be offering food to no one. :P

But anyway, he said yeah, so I ate it. At the time I was a little surprised and happy that I had just gotten through a social situation without doing anything stupid, and he had offered me the last one. Some other stuff happened after that, but it's not very important.

When I got to Science I was starting to think about it a little bit more, and Jesse and I, being the productive workers we are, wrote notes to eachother. When I told her what happened, I swear she actually flipped, her reaction was amazing! I asked her why she was so happy and she told me that her internet friend told her that guys do things in small gestures. She said that this was one of those special small gestures, and it shows that he cares enough to offer things to me. So I'm pretty happy about that!

Also, that afternoon when I got on the bus I had to stand up next to Jamilla and Kai, and Sacha sat down in front of us because his friend saved him a seat. He turned around and started talking to us about new movies like Cars 3 and The Incredibles 2, which I'm super excited for, and I might have told him that I spent two years of my childhood obsessed with The Incredibles... Ah well, it was really cool even if it was just a group conversation! My only regret is when he went to get off the bus and no one said goodbye to him, so I didn't either.

I guess that's my next mission!


"Silence isn't empty, it's full of tiny crumbs, that gather round your ears, and hum their tiny hummms." 

Also Guy asked me to put these pictures in my post, so here we go.

Sexual.

My Senpai Story

So I guess it's about time I mention my senpai. I mean, it's a pretty big part of my life so I should probably share it with whoever is reading this (Jesse and Guy so far, and that random guy from Poland)

I'll just start at the beginning.

The first time I met Sacha was at Year 7 camp. To be honest, he had long hair and an earring so I wasn't entirely sure if he was a girl or a boy. The name Sacha (which I actually love) didn't really help with this either. But he ended up being in my class after camp so I found out pretty soon that Sacha was a guy. Some of the teachers had problems with this to, but eventually everyone got used to it. To clarify, he doesn't wear the earring anymore and has cut his hair short so there's no mistaking it now.

Anyway, I was in his class for the whole of year 7 (7T REPRESENT) and one day in term 1 I was looking around the room in Science, judging people as you do. And until then I hadn't really noticed Sacha, he's pretty quite except when he's around friends. But I kind of really noticed him for the first time that day. And I realised that he was actually pretty nice, smart and I won't bore you with descriptions but good-looking too (as always.) I started thinking about what type of person he was, what he was like around friends, that sort of thing. I can't remember the exact moment I realised I liked him but I remember the first time I told someone.

I was never really secret with these sorts of things. My friend Taelah was kind of the leader of the group I was in, and thinking back on it now, I'm not entirely sure if she even liked me. But now I'm becoming friends with her again after a long period of sort of ignoring eachother (accidental on my side.) Anyway, I told her when we were at sevvie sport and at first she didn't really look to interested, but she ended up kind of telling everyone so I'm sure she was partly. A few weeks after that I think I told two more people I was actually pretty close to, if I was close to anyone in that group, and I'm sure they wouldn't tell anyone. A few weeks after that, I had this guy called Dylan asking me if I really liked Sacha. At the least I was taken aback because I had no idea how he would of found out. I asked him how, and he said that he overheard Taelah talking about it to someone. Look, Dylan's a nice guy and all, but I'm pretty sure he didn't "accidentally" hear it.

Well that was the start of a snowballing disaster. Soon, everyone in that group found out, and after a while I had no choice as a sevvie to ask him out, awkwardly like sevvies do. I was pretty nervous that day, and I had told a few friends I was going to do it. By lunch, one of my friends asked me if I wanted her to go and ask for me. I felt a bit pressured by everyone so I said yes, even if I didn't really want her to. So she and a considerably sized posse went down to where he sat while I sat with my actual good friend Cinekha. I remember it vividly, just her and I sitting in silence until  the posse came back and told me " He doesn't want to be in a relationship at the moment."

That was pretty hard. On the bus that afternoon I listened to sad songs and was about as depressed as I've ever been, which you know, isn't much.

I basically avoided him for the rest of the year. Word spread though, and two months later I still had people asking me if I asked Sacha out. It was a little embarrassing. 

Anyway, I avoided him for a long time actually. At the time I felt like I really needed to talk to someone, so my friends from primary school who go to a different school now got the biggest brunt of it. After a while one got sick of me talking about him all the time, but the other stayed really interested pretty much the whole way through, which I'm glad of.

Into year 8 and nothing happened. Actually, I started falling in love with the idea of him. I didn't realise it at first, so it went on for a long time. Probably the whole of year 8. 

The start of year 9 was similar, but towards the second half I realised that I wasn't liking Sacha at all, I liked the idea of him in my head. So I started to rethink everything, and I learned to control myself and my ideas. In August, we went to Year 9 camp and that was the camp at which after lengthy discussions I decided I was going to tell him that I still liked him. Camp was great, I actually sort of talked to him because my wonderful friend Jamilla is friends with him

and his group. It was still pretty awkward though. However, I do remember this one day we were at the high ropes course and I looked up at him sort of sitting on this tiny platform waiting for someone to finish an obstacle, looking off in the distance, and everything hit me, hard.

It was a long time though before I actually told him though. Talking to Jesse, I realised I wasn't just liking him. I was in love with him, and I know it sounds ridiculous at 14 but I truly believe it.

In December I finally told him. One morning before the school library opened I saw him sitting outside the library with his laptop, and it took me about 5 minutes to push myself to do it. I asked if I could speak to him outside on the bridge, and he looked a bit confused and apprehensive. My voice was shaking, but I told him that I had never stopped liking him and I still did. I asked him if he had ever liked me. I know it sounds like a stupid thing to do but I had thought about this and I came to the conclusion that I just had to be upfront because of our "history". I remember watching him grip the handle rail of the bridge and looking down to the side as if he was in pain. Finally, after what seemed like an age he said "I'm sorry, I can't answer that right now." I felt like I was in a trance, I said something about being friends after this, spun around and walked away. I didn't look back , but I wasn't angry or sad or anything really. I had spent so much time thinking, that I had prepped myself for every answer possible. I wasn't sad, I was actually kind of happy that I had some sort of closure. Remember what I said about loving him? Well, I've realised that it doesn't particularly need to be requited for it to still be love. I'll still love him, as long as he's happy, I'm content.

After all that we avoided eachother some more. I kept vowing to say hi, break the ice or something but I never did it.

Then Bush School came. Bush School is weird because it throws away all of those social conventions you're used to at school, and suddenly everyone in the year is friends with everyone. One the bus once, I smiled at him and he smiled back, which was amazing. Once again,  Jamilla was wonderful. Well, kind of. At the beach on Thursday Jesse and I were swimming, and we went a bit deeper to be with other people. Jesse can't tread water very well, so she was on my back because I'm taller than her. Suddenly, it got really deep and whenever Jesse was on my back, I couldn't stay afloat but when she was off, she couldn't either. We were trapped in this cycle, and when it started to get bad, when I was actually swallowing water and couldn't really breathe I yelled out to Jamilla who was a few metres away. I don't know what went through her head, but she decided that this was a good time to get me to have a conversation with my senpai. WHAT THE HELL. Because of her ridiculous reaction, Jesse and I couldn't stop laughing which didn't really help in the drowning department. I could see Jamilla talking to Sacha while absent-mindedly staring at us, and Sacha had this look on his face like "Aren't you going to help them?" But he didn't help us either! Finally, Jesse and I managed to float our way back to where I could stand, and I can't exactly remember what I said, but I said something along the lines of "Okay, small drowning period over." Which made him laugh. I MADE HIM LAUGH. Now Jamilla's taking all the credit for breaking the ice and what not, but you know, I probably would have preferred her to help us. But I'm glad that it happened now that it has though. Later on, he gave Jesse a board to float on, which was really nice. I said thank you, but he still looked a little bit awkward around me. 

That night, Ben (friends with Jamilla and Sacha) started doing these card readings, which were pretty stupid but it was a lot of fun. I think I ended up killing 8 people according to him, and Chanse fell in love with a black lesbian girl. Finally, the ice had broken, I was able to hang with that group without it being awkward and it was loads of fun!

 

Then Jamilla had to read Sacha's cards...  Never forget. Chanse whispered for her to do something Clasha (ship name) and for God's sake she did. She said that he would have 9 children with someone who has seven letters in their last name. I HAVE SEVEN LETTERS IN MY LAST NAME. Straight away I started going MAYDAY! MAYDAY! in my head. At least Chanse and Jamilla have seven letters too, but I think it was pretty damn obvious to both of us what Jamilla meant. We both quickly changed subjects and I could tell he was avoiding the topic. And who could blame him?

I was afraid that the card incident was going to make things even more awkward when we got back to school. But you wouldn't believe my happiness on the Wednesday when I asked if anyone wanted to go to the Asian grocery shop across the road before school. Quite a few people said yes, but he was one!

I'm so glad that the awkwardness has not returned. I intend to keep it that way, and I really just want to get to know him more right now. 

I still believe I'm in love with him. I don't think that's going to change quickly. But the fact that I can now hang out with him and his friends without it being terrible is so fantastic!

So, that was the story of my senpai. Hopefully it gave you some background to future posts, and you can get an idea of what's been happening. 3 straight years of this madness. I don't know how I'm going to cope if there's more to come.

"Ladies and gentleman we are crashing. Please enjoy the ride."

Birthday Parties!

Okay, I'm sorry, another irrelevant post. I thought I would post something lighthearted because my last post was a bit deep, so here you go!

So, my friend is having her birthday party this weekend, and I'm so excited! She's moved schools, so all of her new friends are going to be there and I'm going to meet some new people. Yay! Also, *whisper* I got her a signed Dan and Phil poster which was only available in Europe.... Having Irish family is great sometimes for awesome European things. I can't wait to see her reaction!

My other friend who also goes to a different school to me is having her birthday party as well in a couple of weeks. We're going to a restaurant in Wollongong, and because it's her 16th there's going to be heaps of people there. Now, not all of these people might be my type of people but it's still going to be fun! Jesse's inspired me to make new friends and be friendly to people, so it's time to test out my new-found skills in the social department! I'm really going to try to meet new people at these parties instead of just sticking with the friends I already know well. I used to do that a lot, just because I knew how to start conversations, but I didn't know how to keep them alive. Well now I know!

I'll report back on how this stuff goes in the next few weeks, hopefully some wonderful friendships will be formed!

"I can't wait to tell you about the dream I'm having right now..."

Perspectives

Okay, so I promised Jesse I would talk about Bush School, the school camp we just went on from Monday to Friday, and I guess I promised anyone else who is reading this I would talk about my senpai or movies or something. But on Bush School you could see many more stars than you can where I live and it got me thinking, so this is one of those posts about random cool stuff.

So on Bush School we went on two night walks along the beach as a year group. We walked for about 15-20 minutes and then we would stop for about 5-10. Then we would walk back. In the 5-10 minutes one time my friends Ruby and Jesse and I lay down in the sand and looked at the stars. Ruby's asked me a few times before what constellations I know, because she knows that I'm interested in space. I always have to tell her that I don't really know any constellations except for the obvious ones like Orion. And people wonder why that is because, you know, someone who likes space is sure to know lots of constellations, right?

But I don't, because I'm not interested in Earth and humanity's perspective of the stars. I guess I'm more interested in astrophysics, and astronomy without having our geographical position in space forced onto our perspective of the stars. Those constellations don't really exist outside our Solar System, and I don't see why our view of the universe guides our entire thinking of it.

Anyway, so I came back home from Bush School yesterday, and today I was catching up on all of the YouTube videos I missed out on while I was away. I realised on Vsauce's channel that a couple of days before I left he had uploaded a video about distortions, and the ideas I had always held were actually presented in that video. I though that was a pretty interesting coincidence, and he explains it a little bit more eloquently that I have in this post, so here's the video, and if it doesn't work, here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQ0hS7l9ckY&feature=c4-overview&list=UU6nSFpj9HTCZ5t-N3Rm3-HA

You might want to check out the video if you're interested in these types of things, but again, I'm sorry Jesse for not posting about Bush School completely and I'm sorry if anyone else who read this found it boring. But then again, It's my blog and I'll cry if I want to.

"One of the most poetic facts I know about the universe is that essentially every atom inside your body was once inside a star that exploded. Moreover, the atoms in your left hand probably came from a different star than did those in your right. We are all, literally, star children, and our bodies are made of stardust."
-Lawrence Krauss, Theoretical Physicist

Hello!

Hi!

Okay I think that was an adequate welcome. If not, welcome to my blog.
My name's Claire, I'm 14 and I live in Wollongong, Australia. I started this blog because my friend Jesse *wink wonk* convinced me to! But to be honest, I've been wanting to make a blog for a while, I just never really knew where to start. I've kept journals before, but I always seem to get really obsessed and I can't skip days, so I just end up stressing about completing that day's worth of writing.
But this is different!
I'm determined to write my thoughts here, not my days. So this might be boring to you, but it will probably be more interesting than writing about what classes I had today. Remember that!

But, you never know, I might write about interesting things that happen to me. Now that I have a theoretical audience I'll filter the meaningless times.

I'll also probably end up writing about songs that I like, movies, art and YouTube videos. You don't have to look at them but you might find them interesting.

I'll most defiantly talk about my senpai (code word for guy I like).

And I'll talk about random cool stuff.

I hope this theoretical audience that may not even exist keeps reading, maybe you might find something that will help you with your problems. I hope something good comes of this blog!

Lastly, I'll always finish off a post with a quote. I might not always say where it is from though because I'm lazy like that... Also, I'll try to restrict my Wirrow quotes...

So, goodbye now! I'll try to keep this updated as often as I can, I have some good/funny stories to post and they might brighten your day.

Bye!

"You have been kept shielded, shielded from the dangerous and untamable world of the actual."